The Fontenot

Do Not Gaze Into My Eyes

Or Favre will throw a sequence of ill-advised passes, then be knocked out of the game, and the Packers will lose despite a surprisingly strong showing from the backup QB.

Gaze Into My Eyes

Despite obscene amounts of attention from the national media, very little has actually been said regarding Thursday night's big smackdown.  Very basically: everyone thinks Romo's a mini-Favre, and everyone thinks the Cowboys are going to win.  To downplay the oedipal resonance of the game--we all know Tony has been having nightmares about castrating his own father/God in the last few days, wandering the empty halls of his mansion in his pajamas, and muttering, "What will he think of me if I betray him in this way?  But what will I be if I do not have the courage?"-- Romo's even gone so far as to claim he rooted for John Elway and the Broncos in Superbowl 32.  Anyone in Burlington wanna speak up and explain what might happen to a young Wisconsin lad with that kind of perspective?  Good thing for Romo, his close pal blew his cover and properly re-situated him as a fawning manchild.

I said it last week, and I'll say it again: after watching the Packers beat up on Detroit last week, there's no longer any reason to pick against them.

For the rest of the season.

They are going to win the Superbowl.

I have scientifically proven it.

(And yes, New England, I am keeping track: I see that Roosevelt Colvin is on IR.  I see and note.)

Since nearly every national analyst has come up with a reason why they think Dallas will win, let me do my own hometown version of the matchups.  Someone needs to pick the Packers.  Why not me?

Let me now do my work.

The Trenches - Packers D-Line vs. Dallas O-Line and Run Game
There was much to lament in Green Bay on March 3, 2005.  That's the day both Wahle and Rivera disappeared, and the badness began.  While Wahle has gone on to live up to the big contract he signed with Carolina, Rivera's back soon betrayed him in Dallas; he was cut last June and is now out of football.  So much for connections.  Doing a little investigative work, I have determined that Flozell Adams has certain vulnerabilities, and that Leonard Davis is distracted by other business.  It may be enough.

The truth is Dallas's line is solid.  One thing to consider--they're big fatties, even though they protect Romo well (only sacked 16 times this year).  Whether or not the Packers' front four (whatever iteration) is able to get to Romo is going to have a huge impact on the game, and speed may end up winning out over power.  The extent of KGB's injury is a lingering question mark; in a perfect world, KGB and Kampman could potentially control Romo's scrambling and force him into the the maw of the interior beast, where he would be eaten and digested.  However, that injury is murky right now, and Dallas's run-game is going to force the Packers to stay honest (a.k.a. Cullen Jenkins).  I think Dallas probably has the edge here, but just, and that doesn't mean there won't be sacks.  Romo will probably be facing tougher coverages than he's used to, not to mention broken routes for T.O. and a gimpy Patrick Crayton.  Justin Harrell's performance is also a wildcard worth watching.  I  wouldn't mind seeing a few choice blitzes here and there to keep Romo on his toes--blitzes have just not worked for the Packers this year, and they need to find a way to use them for big sacks without exposing themselves.  Romo is fast and he is improvisational, but I'm not so sure he's capable of sustaining crisp play if he's harried for a whole game.  I watched that Buffalo game.  His problems started with pocket pressure.

Watch for the D-Line to be controlled in the first half, but to take over the game in the 4th quarter.  It's happened over and over again.

Packers Secondary vs. Dallas Receivers
People keep pointing to T.O. as the reason Dallas is going to win this game...maybe so, but I'm not exactly convinced by the rest of Dallas's wideouts.  Crayton had a solid first half of the season but he's been hurt, and may not be fully recovered.  Sam Huard is like a miniature Patrick Crayton.  Is he any better than the Lions' Shaun McDonald?  I doubt it.

Ah, you say.  There is Witten.  He will do to the Packers just what Gates, Cooley, Gonzalez, Clark, and Olsen did to the Packers.  I'm not so convinced.  Look for the Packers to have Witten extensively game-planned, and look for Collins or Bigby dedicating a significant amount of attention to him.  I'm not so sure the Packers won't play this whole game in nickel and make Marion Barber beat them.  I don't know about you, but that seems more palatable that 4 T.O. touchdowns.  I still get mad when I see the replays of that pom-pom dance.

With the emergence and athleticism of Tramon Williams, the improvement of Bush, and the possible return of Will Blackmon, I give the Packers the edge here, even if Woodson can't go.  I don't think the talent is spread evenly for the Cowboys, I don't think the depth is there, and this will be a problem for them, especially if Al Harris is in lockdown mode on T.O.  This offense looks just like the Giants' offensive, with a much better quarterback.  The Packers found a way then, and I think they'll be able to find a way this time, too.

In the Trenches - Packers O-Line and Run-Game vs. Dallas D-Line
Watch out for Ryan Grant.  Donald Driver's boasts about the 5 receiver set are refreshingly cocky and totally accurate.  Dallas's secondary is going to have a big problem with this game, and while Dallas has major talent on the D-Line, they're not going to have linebackers stuffing their gaps anywhere near as much as they'd like.  I actually think it might be kinda cool to see the Packers steal Martz's gameplan from last week (at least the part that worked) and try to eat up some major yardage on the ground in the first quarter.  It caught the Packers off guard and it might catch the 'Boys off guard, too.

Grant needs to stay healthy, of course, but I think he's going to be the big surprise of the day.  I don't think we've seen the best of him yet.

Favre managed to deal with some tough, tough pressure against Kansas City and still get the job done.  I think he'll stay upright--his line knows how to protect him.  They might not know how to run-block, but they know how to protect him.

Packers Receivers vs. Dallas Secondary
Is there any reason to think Driver's wrong about this matchup problem?  Not that I know of.  Let's face it: this whole game comes down to how strong this aspect of the Packers' attack is. 

I think it's consistent and I think Favre has found some new baseline of coolness with his throws...I think we've reached the point where we can rely on 300-yard games, not hope and pray for them.  As opposed to the bad games. 

I really think that.

Something is new this season and it has to do with Favre's brain.  The pressure's not on him--not in the way it's on Romo. 

Needless to say, the Packers will lose if Favre is off.

I see some big-time plays.

I see glorious crossing routes across that star.

I see Jerry Jones smashing shit.

I see Romo weeping.

I see Packers 37, Dallas 35.

***WildCard Prediction: Look for a trick play to get the Packers a touchdown in this game.  If I'm right, you owe me $1000.  Okay?   Ryan Grant halfback option, perhaps?

Anyway, Biggie knows.

Dreams and Meta-4

How fun is this? Really, have you ever had more fun as a Packer fan? The Super Bowl seasons were fun, but they weren't this kind of fun, were they? We were supposed to be dominant those years. We were mentally prepared for excellence. Things had been building and it seemed inevitable. This year? This is just a dream. I mean, it feels like things are happening that you literally dream about when you're driving to work, staring at the red tailights in front of you, projecting your own desires for triumph and beauty like an 11 year old boy. The D is generally strong, though, okay, the run D wasn't so hot today, we have 2 great and 3 good receivers, a good RB, and threats on special teams. And of course, Favre, for the last five games, has become the Platonic ideal of Favre. 20 completions in a row? 120+ QB rating? And did you hear his reaction to getting Fox's Galloping Gobbler award? He looked at it, smirked and said: "Well, I guess it's better than not getting it." Perfect smalltalk too.

After basking in today's win, I was inclined to do a little pondering. Earlier, my brother and I had decided that if Hollywood made a movie about the 2007 Packers season thus far, Eddie Munster should play Mason Crosby, an even fatter Jack Black should play Mark Tauscher, and Matt Damon and Russell Crowe could arm wrestle for the job of playing Favre.  Wanting to make the most of our fleeting brilliance, I floated another question: Has any NFL QB or any NFL player, for that matter, ever had a return to MVP form like this so late in his career? In other words, is there anything we can compare the Return of Favre to?

We thought.

Sure, Elway won the Super Bowl in his last two years in the league, and Jordan won 3 straight in his last three years with the Bulls, but had anyone been calling for their retirement in the years before? Montana got the Chiefs to the playoffs in his last two years after sitting out a whole year with a fucked up elbow, but no way he was as sharp as Favre is now. Rich Gannon and Steve Beuerlein had great years late in their career but, please, how good had they been to begin with? What were we saying? We switched sports. Grant Hill, my brother offered. His All-Star year after his 200th ankle surgery. Don Sutton, my dad said, he came back from an injury too. I vaguely remembered a guy in tight light blue pants with a grey man-perm. Napoleon, my brother said, going historical. His late campaigns! Nah, my dad said, dismissing it. He died in exile. Doesn't work. Churchill, he countered. He was a high ranking guy early in his career before going bust and then rising to legend status in WWII. But no, Churchill's early performance really was more Rich Gannon-caliber than Favre-caliber. Finally, we agreed Favre's resurgence was unique to all of human history. We went back to watching the Nebraska game. Silently, we apologized to Churchill for comparing him to Rich Gannon.

Maybe, I thought later, unable to drop it, Favre's return to excellence is most comparable to the careers of artists. Like Dylan. He becomes a legend early. He's considered not only good at what he does, but uniquely American. Symbolic. There's a period of ill-conceived releases. (You get it? Huh? Huh?) Then, at the point where some people (some) have written him off (Dylan's mumbling performances and so-so songs = Favre's 3 INT in a game performances) he comes back stronger than ever, forcing the critics to stick their thumbs where the sun don't shine. This metaphor, granted, requires that you think Modern Times is up there with Blonde on Blonde. Maybe Philip Roth? Maybe Steve Earle, if you're focusing on the personal struggle angle? Mercifully, it came to a stop.

Now, I realize that if this team shits the bed in the playoffs, all this gushing will seem foolish and premature. There's five games left. Favre is human. There is such a thing as turnovers. There's gaps and flaws and, just next week , a very good Dallas team to contend with. But I don't care. I'm livin in the moment. It's Thanksgiving. The Pack is 10-1 and every game is a treat. Don't even think about waking me up yet.

Happy Thanksgiving

We'll be back and at 'em next week.  I won't be picking against the Packers again.  Too good.

Look at the concentration here:

Grumbledy Gobbledy

Assuming I somehow get off the ground at O'Hare tomorrow, I'll be sipping coffee (coffee?) and watching the Packers at 9:30 A.M. on my sister's couch in Portland come Turkey Day.  Here's hoping some of my grumpiness has worn off by then.  Is there a Scrooge-correlate for Thanksgiving?  If so, I will now be it.  I am the Turkey Monster.

Grumblegobble
It's always nice to see the immediate wave of "Oh sure, we used to do that"s surge through the media after there is a new "scandal" in the NFL.  Remember Dennie Green's son claiming that his dad used to pipe noise into the MetrosexualDome back in the day?  Now our very own LeRoy Butler opened up his weekly insider Journal-Sentinel 5-Questions piece by joking around about how the team used to have a pool from game to game. 

Not that I blame old LeRoy for being honest.  The fact is, every
single NFL team does it, and has done it, for 7,000 years. Just like how every single NFL team does extensive "research" on opponents' signals, using (gasp) photographic equipment.  I think my real grumpiness comes from any negative fodder showing up, especially superificial fodder like this.  Let me have my miracle season.  It's not gambling.  Anyway, LeRoy, can't you see your boys are busy pretending that it was their uncles' cousins' who were doing the bounties, and that just that dude on the street whose name they don't know was the one who put 'em up to it?   I don't want to talk about it.

Gobblegooglegob
The NFL rulebook is, in my mind, officially in crisis.  I've once posted about some of the problems the replay system has introduced, and while I wouldn't want to remove it, I think some questions of, uh, football ontology need to be addressed.  Cleveland field-goal aside, I think the question of when to blow the whistle needs to be examined.  Refs need to be retrained, and everyone needs to be on the same page about the ways in which doubt can and should prevent a ref from allowing a play to stop, as opposed to doubt causing a ref to blow a whistle.

The Packers ended up on the right side of an officiating error during the Panthers game.  There's no doubt in my mind they'll end up on the wrong side of it before the season is out.

Gabrumblegob
Jon Kitna needs to be sent out on missionary work somewhere very dangerous.  The Big Holy Asshole rose up again this Sunday...this time, instead of re-humiliating one of his coaches in a public forum because he thought it might be a kind of neat joke, he moved on to the tamer tactic of just sounding like a moron again.   Immediately following the loss to the Giants, Kitna spouted off about the Lions being better than the Giants.  More evidence that those who claim personal relationships with omnipotent deities interested in professional football outcomes are confused on many levels. 

I liked Kitna's call to 10 wins at the beginning of the season.  The team needed a shot in the ass.  He clearly, however, can't understand that motivational speeches, given at the wrong moments, just make you a big fucking idiot.

I like Strahan's reaction.

Also, by the way: I totally agree with Jon on this one.  And that is not a double-standard.

Gobbleganglaglab
Profootballtalk, you're kinda cool, and I like the whole We're Here To Take on the Titans of Media vibe you put out, and I like the Emmit criticism, and I like how you managed to make yourself totally rich doing what you love, and I like how you have been finding ways to deal with that, and I like your sense of humor, but one small piece of advice that is not sour grapes, honestly.  It's not sour grapes.  But listen: when you post about Sprint phones, often, it's kinda hard to not think of you as a big corporate clown, too.

Gobblegugggglleeegag
Lions 29, Packers 20.  Not because I don't love my boys.  But that damn dome, on this damn day...prove me wrong!

A Low-Key Hallelujah

Not once this game did I nearly break a vocal chord yelling "Go! Go! Go!" Not once did my heart race while I grabbed onto the sofa arm and silently begged Favre to throw a smart ball. Not once did I feel the need to help Driver gain that extra yard via my patented on-the-couch body English.

Granted, this had partially to do with me watching the game by myself this week, and being sober. But the real reason watching the game today felt so relaxing was because the win was a day on the beach. Again. I felt completely confident we'd win, easily, for maybe the first time all year, and then it happened exactly that way.

We heard a lot about 82 years and 44 days in the first quarter, and it was fun when they showed the poster that reminded Dick Vermeil that he is old and reminded us that he sort of looks 82. But then the sideshow ended and the football started. Let's re-live it, why don't we?

Smart Favre
You know what didn't happen today? Favre didn't throw a single stupid ball. Not a one. I can't think of the last time that happened. Sure, his yardage numbers weren't  Fed/Ex Air Player of the Week caliber but his QB rating was through the roof, again, and he bagged 3 TDs. The Kid can play like a man on fire and today he reminded us he can do a controlled burn too. Come playoffs, we're gonna need him to do both. Once again, I genuflect in his general direction.

Good Ol' Grant
Before he got dinged up late in the game, Grant had another solid showing. He's not a star, but he's undeniably good. 4.5 yards a carry is good. And on this team, good is all we need to make for shorter third downs and super-effective play-action passes. I like how he grunts out extra yardage, I like how he seems both smart and fearless. The way he walked off the field and the low-key way he was talking with the medical staff on the sideline makes me think/hope he'll be okay for Thursday, though what do I know? Where was that dude Drew Whatsit with the sideline report when you really wanted it?

Donald
It was nice to see Driver carry a good share of the load today and offer up an exciting catch and a clutch-as-usual grab on the onside kick. This year The Smiley One has had to share the attention with Jennings and Jones, et. al, but you get the feeling like he couldn't give one poop about it.  When Favre throws it to him, he catches it and always adds a few after the catch. What more can we want?

Blue Collar Genius
I've gotten down on McCarthy in the past, like most everyone. But this year Big Mike seems to have figured some stuff out. The play-calling has been great for quite a while now. I love the roll-out plays where Favre doubles back after juking the defense. I love how we've made a point to try out all kinds of WR formations.  Even though it only netted like six, seven yards, I loved the play that went straight to Driver. It shows that Big Mike is creative, maybe as much so as Favre, and it reminded me of the reverses and flea-flickers that I used to live for as a young Packer fan in the Dickey/White era, but without all the mediocrity. If McCarthy doesn't win Coach of the Year, it'll be a crime.

Lovin' the Fun Run
How sweet were Tramon and Koren's big runbacks on special teams? How well-coached is the special teams crew in general? The only thing that would have made me enjoy the two plays more is if we'd gotten the normal 50 yard line perspective on the Williams runback, and if I had flipped back in time to see Koren's runback in in real time. Yup, my post-game bitching has come to this.

Secondarily
Actually, I can do better than that.

It would have been nice if Al Harris would have not flaked on that long pass to Drew Carter in the 4th quarter. I would like Atari to be about 20% saner, and Aaron Rouse 20% better. Watching the Patriots dominate again tonight, I try to picture our guys against Moss, Welker, Stallworth, and I get very nervous...but who doesn't? (It can't be an impossible task to contain Moss, can it? There's got to be some way to make Brady frazzled, isn't there?) Also, I have to call out Jarrett Bush. After Charles Woodson's INT, Woodson and Harris, I think it was, jumped up and bumped eachother sideways, shoulder to shoulder, which seems to be the thing with the DBs and receivers this year. But then Bush, you came in a little after the fact wanting in on the action and your timing was horrible. Your body glanced awkwardly against Woodson's. It was pretty half ass and I want to see better from you next week.

Fun with Dick and Baldy
Did you notice this? During the third quarter, Dick and Baldy were talking about how the struggling Panthers were looking for a silver lining to this game. Soon after, the camera pans to four GB fans, semi-buff  fellas in their early twenties, shirtless, cheering for the camera. Just one of those random shots into the crowd. At this, Stockton says "There's the silver lining. Those four guys." Baldy had no follow-up comment, as I'm sure he had no idea how to respond to something that makes no sense. I like to think of it as a zen riddle that is not meant to be solved but puzzled over for a lifetime. Not to be outdone, Baldy ended the game by looking forward to the Cowboys/Packers game later this month and asking "Who will reign supremacy?"

More and more each game, I'm thinking the answer just could be us.

Geriatric in the Hizzle

3 Ways to Avoid Work Today, Packer-Style

1. Check out the Journal-Sentinel’s weekly Monday Morning Headline contest. If you feel you got robbed when your entry for the Packer fence naming contest didn’t win, here's your shot at redemption. The punning is not too shabby. Recent winners include  “Pack Sweeps Vikes Undah the Tundra” (last week); “A K.C. Masterpiece,” and “Mile High High! Favre Pulls Win Out of Thin Air!” Though my favorite thus far was posted after the first Vikings win: “King of Queens.” Nice.

2. Peruse the Carolina Panthers website and shake your head at how lame the Carolina Panthers uniforms and logo are. I don’t know about you, but I look at that teal, silver and black color combination and the we-so-crazy lettering they use to spell “Panthers” and I get this uncontrollable urge to weep and Jazzercise. If I were a Carolina fan I’d seriously resent the fact that I have to buy and then wear teal and silver gear to show moral support. Maybe the trick is to go heavy on the silver and black, and keep the teal to little things like wristbands and socks. Accessories, if you will. What makes the look even more pathetic is to remember that those colors were chosen on the advice of marketing assholes, for the sole purpose of selling lots of merchandise to the kids, who apparently were gaga for teal and purple in the 80s and 90s. The execs for the Hornets, Sharks, Marlins, Raptors, Rockies, Jaguars, Mighty Ducks, Grizzlies, Ravens, Diamondbacks, and Devil Rays jumped on the same ugly bandwagon, in an almost sublime display of bad taste, greed, and corporate groupthink. All this to say, thank god I’m a Packers fan. We have always been 100% classy.

3. As a chaser, relive 1987, to more fully appreciate how long possible starting QB Vinny T has been in the pros. My pick for best major event of 1987 is the historic arrest of Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Iron Sheik, supposed mortal enemies, for possession of marijuana. The release of The Legend of Zelda is a close second.

In Command

A nice old Lions loss leaves Packer fans to be reflective and thankful (foreshadowing) for this year's team.  Several things to tidy up in the wake of the dismantling that took place at Lambeau on Sunday. For all of the caring, thoughtful readers who wrote in to express concern about my computer:  it's fine.  (Fuck all of you for not caring.)  I had a late-night chat with someone named Gupta and got it all straightened out.

Were it not for the big win, Sunday would have therefore been very annoying; with the big win, I basically came up even for the day.  The Packers are 8-1, and are favored (by 10) to be 9-1 this time next week.  Whattist whateth should we discussith then, foresooth?  As the world is upside down anyway?

Queenie Reaction
Reading through some of the Minnie newspapers and blogs early this week is sort of  like reading about the local army losing a minor skirmish.  I imagined many of these quotes attached to glazed eyes, tears, and confusion. 

Five Wide
Now that Koren R. is back in the mix for the Pack, they're showing a new wrinkle to annoy opposing defenses.  (Side note about Koren: no one is pointing it out, but did you see the man accelerate to make the final block on Ryan Grant's touchdown?  I always forget how fast he is/was.  He's supposed to be a big possession guy, no?  Click on "the big win" link above if you can't remember.  Watch the highlights again and see what I mean.)

Time Lapse
Check this out: super-cool timelapse, although no, no claymation, no play-do worms coming up out of the ground.

The Sharper Play
Of course Ruvell Martin's tip-drill touchdown was one of the more notable plays in the game.  For me, it was particularly gratifying the more I watched it and the more I thought about.  Okay, touchdown.  Good.  Beyond that, though, it's clearly Sharper's interception greed that allows the play to happen.  His cornerback is right there, in prime position to make the grab, and Sharper comes over and slams him.  Did anyone else see Sharper lying on the ground, hands on his head, as Griffin stomped off the field?  Wonderful.  But there's even more: somehow, a field-mic picked up Martin's laughter as he stood in the back of the endzone with the ball.  Did anyone else hear it?  It was the perfect mocking laughter--I was immediately transported back to middle school.  He may as well have taken off his helmet and made an L on his forehead.

Rankled
The Pack is floating around between 3 and 6 in most NFL rank-o-meters this week.  Charles Robinson at Yahoo has decided to place them above the Cowboys, but methinks it will take a smashing victory in Dallas before such fruity ideas become the status quo.  My own Packer-radar is all messed up by these wins (not to mention these winning streaks).  Every instinct I have keeps telling me that they will find a way to fall apart, and that the 2nd half of the Bears game was a glimpse of "the real" team. 

Gosh darn it, though, my mind is now telling me that maybe it just isn't so.  Down, instinct!  Top 5 in the league?  Best passing game in the league?  (Well, if we don't count touchdowns.)  Toughie defense?  Super-hot cheerleaders?

DeHarlanization
Mike over at Grudge Harbor is upset and concerned about the political jostling going on inside the front office:  "Allowing said douchebag millionaires to re-enter the day-to-day decision-making processes of the NFL’s most important franchise is akin to sacrelige.  As someone who bleeds Green and Gold, nothing makes me cringe more than seeing Brown County’s real estate magnates (and the CEO chimps who frequent Oneida Country Club) call the shots at 1265 Lombardi Avenue."

Gotta love that Oneida reference. 

I was there, Mike.  I was there.

Total Domination

Give me a day.  My whole computer crashed this morning.  It took me 8 hours of customer support just to find this picture.

But man.  Do I even need to comment?

I will anyway.  Just tomorrow.

That's Brad Childress, by the way.