The Fontenot

Garcia Goes Down

This morning I woke to find news that the Packers were now considering trading Favre within the division. After barfing for ten or seventy minutes, I stopped back in at the computer and found that Jeff Garcia hurt his leg in practice.

It's unclear how badly he hurt it.

Is there a lesson to be learned? Yes. My barfing controls the universe.

Hattiesburg Showdown: Addendum

Whoops. I seem to have forgotten this part of the transcript from yesterday.

MM: So how about we make this little problem just "go away"?
Brett: What do you mean?
(MM snaps his fingers and three large Green Bay Teamsters walk in with G-Force duffelbags and set them on the table.)
(MM nods to one of them.)
MM: Jerry, you want to do the honors?
Jerry unzips the bags to reveal $20 million.
Bus and Brett look at the money and Mark Murphy keeps his eyebrows up in anticipation for three minutes.
Finally, Brett coughs, and flips over the conference table using only his throwing arm.
Brett: You want an answer? That's my answer. (He storms out of the room and slams the door.)
Bus, to MM: Would I get 10%?

Sorry, Reverse That

Greg Bedard of the Journal Sentinel has a horrific answer to my question as to the purpose of Mark Murphy's visit to H-Burg today.  No, he was not there to do something ingenious.  Apparently he went with a big pile of money and tried to pay Favre to stay away.

I'm sorry, Packers.  But this is what you come up with?

If it's true, you are all idiots.  I don't care that you found Greg Jennings and traded for Ryan Grant and rebuilt the defense.  I don't care about your success last season.  You've all lost your minds.  You've officially entered into some kind of groupthink situation.  Hey!  HEY!  LISTEN TO THIS BLOG!  YOU ARE FUCKING IT ALL UP!

For example.  You've now lost the support of everyone in Wisconsin who was on the fence about this issue.  Brett Favre said no to $20 million dollars.  Why?  Because he has a heart of gold and cannot be bought.  His penis is larger than the penis of Hercules.  He shapeshifts and walks amongst the humankind as a mythical 72-point buck and is capable of taking the form of lightning in times of great danger.  Because he was Jesus Christ, then wasn't for about two weeks, and you have now re-apotheosized him.  Forever.

Next PR hit to roll around?  Oh, I don't know.  The NFL decides that the Vikings aren't guilty of tampering.

The strategy's officially in the shitter, gentlemen.  Time to bring Bob Harlan out of his box and ask him to start rebuilding.  Again.  If, that is, the Packers survive an uncapped year with an angry fanbase.

Contract Buyout in Mississippi?

So yes, high drama involving personal airplanes and other airplanes and meetings in Flem Snopes's personal law office, but all day long I've been wondering: just what the hell are they negotiating down there, anyway?  If there are only a couple of options--release, trade, or play--why do you talk about it for several hours? 

Then it occurred to me that perhaps Murphy is down there negotiating a contract buyout for Favre?  Is it possible that Favre could actually pay cash to escape the last two years of his contract?  I'm not totally sure how this works, but Lavar Arrington did it a couple years back.  That was a different situation--Arrington had a dispute with the team about money owed, and this article leads me to believe the Redskins would have suffered in their cap if they'd cut him.  However, business is business, and it seems to me any problem can be solved once several million dollars begin to change hands.

Can the Packers just charge him ten million dollars to become a free agent?  Twenty million?  I wish I knew about these things.  It seems to me, though, that from a PR angle, it could help soften the financial sting of his release--essentially saying goodbye to a commodity--and the Packers could then go to the fans and say, "Well, we let him go because he asked us and that's how much we love him.  Now we're going to pound his ass on opening day."

Just a thought.  However, since the 24 hour clock begins to tick tomorrow morning, it seems unlikely there will be any reasonable trade-offers from here on out.  Perhaps a buyout would make more sense than a release, but by now, on Wednesday afternoon, the right move is obvious.

Favre should start for the Packers in 2008.

Hattiesburg Showdown

(News Item: This morning, Mark Murphy is meeting with Favre and Bus Cook to try to convince Favre not to report to training camp. More here.)

Here is a partial transcript of that meeting. I bugged the silk tiger-lily centerpiece.

MM: ‘Morning Brett. (nods towards Bus Cook). Bus.

(They all reach across the table to shake hands.)

Brett (coldly): Mark.

(All sit.)

Bus: First time in the jet?

MM: Third, I think. Pretty nice deal. Better than Jet Blue, I’ll tell you that much. I could get used to that legroom.

(Wan smile from Bus.)

Bus: Coffee? Donuts? We have a whole spread somewhere around here.

MM: No thanks. We stopped at a Waffle House on the way here.

Bus: Private jet and a Waffle House breakfast. I like that.

MM:  Pretty good stuff there, I gotta say.

Brett (impatiently): So the papers say you’re here to talk me out of reporting. You guys don’t want me there.

      (MM clears throat.)

MM: Well, yes. I guess we can just get into it. (pause) Mike and Ted obviously asked me to talk to you about this, and their hope, our hope, is that you’ll reconsider the situation. I just wanted to come and explain where we’re coming from.

Brett: You want me to stay retired. There’s not much to get.

MM: Well, the issue really isn't about you staying retired so much as it is about what we want for the Green Bay Packers. Brett, you know we’ve been very careful to treat your decision with respect. It's been a very difficult situation for all of us. I don’t think any of us are getting much sleep these days.

Brett : So I hear.

MM: We just don't want the situation to turn into something that will hurt the team and make things worse. And that’s what we fear will happen if you show up and press the issue.

Brett: You guys always talk about pressing the issue. I just want to play. That’s it. I want to play football.

MM: I understand. I played too. Ted as well. But at this stage in the game, it’s going to put everybody in a very awkward situation. We’re talking serious media circus stuff. Damaging stuff. Mike and Ted made up their mind on this back in May. You know all this. I know you disagree with it, but that’s how it is. I know you’d like to compete for the job with Aaron too. But this summer they had to pick a road to go down and they want to stay on that road. We’re just in a different place than we were last March, plain and simple. 

Brett (shrugs): Well, it’s just stubborn. People talk about this and that and I can’t make up my mind, and whatever. But on the other end is being stubborn. Which is worse? You tell me. All I know is, I was Pro Bowl last year. We almost made the Super Bowl. But no one really talks about that.

MM: It’s not that they think you can’t play, Brett. Obviously you can still play, and well. It’s just that after you made your decision they had to make a decision too. And they plan to stick with it.

Brett: Well, and Ted’s afraid he’ll get fired if I come. There’s that too. And he did say that by the way. I'm not just making stuff up.

Bus(interrupting): The way we see it, Mark, is that Brett has a right to show up. He’s been the face of this franchise for 16 years now. He retired too early. Fine. So the timing isn’t perfect? Fine. We get that. But people change their minds He’s just asked to be reinstated. He’s in great condition, he’s ready to get in there. But you guys just want him to stay retired because it’s more convenient. You're worried about bad P.R. You talk about where you're coming from, but how about where we're coming from? How many years left does Brett have left? Not too many. So, you know, damn right he’s pressing the issue, if we're going to use that phrase.

Brett (turns to Bus, jerks his head back a little): Jeez Bus, you don’t have to put it like that. I’m not dead yet.

(Uncomfortable laughter.)

MM: I hear you on all of this stuff. I really do. But our job, me and Ted and Mike, is to do what’s in the best interest of the whole team, and that’s what the decisions have been based on. We can’t just do everything that's asked of us, out of hand.

Brett: Do they really think Rodgers is better? Just answer me that.

MM: Well…

Brett:(adjusting in his seat, and doing more hand gestures now):

Because if they’ll tell me that, flat out, maybe I wouldn’t come. Or maybe I’d want to just come to prove them wrong. Either way, I don’t get the logic. If they’re so sure Rodgers is the quarterback, how come they’re so scared I’ll go to Minnesota? If they think I’ll beat them there, doesn’t that mean they should at least let me try out? That’s what Deanna kept saying last night.  Let the best man win.  You talk about what's best for the team? Way I see it, that's it. Let the best man win.

Bus: You have to admit, Ted’s playing scared.

MM: You both know it’s not unusual to do that though. To not trade in the division, I mean.

Brett: Unusual, sure, but it’s done! 

(A longish pause. Brett considers shaving “Slave” in his scruff like Prince, after the meeting. Maybe Deanna could do it for him.)

MM: I know you’ve heard this before, Brett, but I worry that if you show up…I just worry about how all this affects your legacy.

Brett: Well, it’s my legacy, you know.

MM: Of course. And no one is denying that. Listen. You obviously mean a lot to Green Bay. You're a legend, and that goes for the whole NFL. There’s a long relationship there. But if they see you at camp, just sort of hanging in the shadows….

Brett: Hanging in the shadows? (snorts)  Jesus.

MM: Poor choice of words. I’m sorry. The point is I just don’t know how this will affect the team and the fans. The locker room situation is another thing. There’s a different feel there than there was last year.

Brett (offended): Because I’m not there you mean.

MM: Well,  that’s part of it. I’m not saying better or worse. I’m just saying it’s changed, and you should think of that too.

Brett: If I don’t come, will you just release me then?

Bus: What’s our incentive is the question.

MM: You know I can’t promise that.

Brett: So I’m just supposed to do you all a favor? Because Ted needs more sleep?

MM:Brett, if we did release you and you go to Minnesota, what then? Are you ready to have Packer fans boo you? I hate to be so direct. But that’s what you’re setting yourself up for.

Bus: I think booing is a bit much.

Brett: Did they boo Montana when he played San Francisco? I don't know. I doubt it.

MM: "..."

Brett: Mark, let me ask you a question. Wouldn’t you want to win if you came back? If I’m going to do this again and go through all the hassle, wouldn’t I want to at least have a chance to win? Why would I want to go to the Jets? People’d have a field day with that. All this hassle just to get my butt kicked around. I don't see the point.

MM: (sighs) It’s really just unfortunate we couldn’t have resolved this a few months ago. That’s the real shame of the whole thing.

Brett: I just never felt you all wanted me back. (snorts) I guess I was right. 

Another Favre-Ripple

It has to be tough to be A-Rodge. His football career has been a three-year-long bout of blueballs, and now that he's finally got the place to himself and his girlfriend on the couch, and the mood lighting all sexy and the massage oils and the tribal drumming CD waiting in the bedroom on the endtable, girlfriend's ex barges into the apartment with the old set of keys, all drunk and disheveled and bragging about how great a lover he was (remember, baby? you remember all that, right, baby?) before asking forgiveness and then immediately getting angry, and then demanding to crash on the couch for a few days.

Not romantic.

But what might suck more , or at least differently, is being Jeff Garcia. The guy was a Pro Bowler last year, for crying out loud. One of the league's best. He did what he was supposed to. He helped turn around a crappy team. And yet these days he's walking around Tampa feeling nervous.

The Tampa Bay Trib carried an article about his feelings.

My favorite parts:

Garcia on Gruden: ""Jon Gruden ... loves quarterbacks, but he likes to just date. He doesn't like to marry."

Doug Williams' confidence that Jeff Garcia has played the underdog all his life. Though maybe I get what he means. Garcia is all cover-of-Men's-Health now, but he looks like the kind of guy who might have gotten picked on when he was little, don't you think? The paleness and freckles? That strange hairline?

Also, this Garcia quote, which speaks to a Favre/Garcia competition and gets points for graphic, WWF-like imagery:

"I'm the starter here and I'm going to choke it to death," he said, "until someone pulls my grip off of it."

I presume by "it" he means his job as a starter, which then means Garcia chokes to death the things he loves.

Anyway, for five minutes, I was feeling a little sad for Garcia. Poor Jeffy. And then I came across this picture of his wife.

He'll be okay.

 

Sitting in a Chair on a July Afternoon Not on a Farm Somewhere Nice

Training camp opens today.
The Packers are a football team.
They're from Wisconsin.
The season opens in about a month.
I hope they're good.
They have some problems.
Here's hoping those problems are resolved.
I like football.
I have wasted my life.

The Old Man's Comin' In

Or at the very least he appears to be, although he would "report" to "training camp" even if his goal was to be traded.  But shit.  Maybe Mooch knew something we didn't know.  Maybe, somehow, it will actually work?  Maybe he and Rodgers will dock in the locker room after the first practice?  All remains to be seen.

Update: The Press Gazette is now up on this, with little new information, but what I'm now wondering is whether or not this phone call, which occurred Thursday afternoon, came before or after the shareholder meeting. As I worked to get my screenshot of the Oval Office ad, I zombied out in front of this article.  In it, you can see this interesting detail:

Murphy appeared within minutes and spent more than a half-hour meeting shareholders and signing autographs.

When Murphy left, several dozen shareholders hovered around the Atrium elevators to await Thompson’s arrival. When he finally showed up, he was met with repeated comments of support as he signed autographs.

Thompson was quite late to the meet-and-greet. He sat in his office for a long time before coming out. I wonder who he was talking to on the phone?

New Strippy!

Here's a nice little distraction: imagine my surprise as I was perusing the GB Press Gazette's Packers coverage this afternoon when I noticed, in the corner of my eye, something suspicious. No, it was not a popup ad having something to do with the federal government. It was this:

If you'll look closely, you may see a number of buxom ladies smiling at you. They are advertising this fine establishment.

First question: has anyone been there?

Second question: why haven't I read about this place on Green Bay, Booze, and Broads?

Third question: is there any explanation as to why the Green Bay Press Gazette is advertising for a local strip club?

In the middle of their prime real estate?

I mean I'm no moralist, but what if my Nana were to see it?

One word: classy.

Two other words: Presidential Treatment.

The Wily Mooch Weighs In

New Favre news has ground to a (temporary) halt, and so tonight the NFL Network decided to have a little symposium regarding Favregate and brought together their elders for a 10 minute conversation. Participants included Mooch, Prime Time, Sterling Sharpe, and Brian Baldinger, and I have to say, it was some of the best Favrespeak I've seen in the last messy week of nonsense.

Of note, however, is Mariucci's position, which is 1) surprisingly optimistic regarding Favre's return to the Packers in 2008, and 2) peppered with intriguing details that shed a little light on the current Cold War. At one point in the conversation (well after Sharpe railroads everybody for 3 minutes), Mooch, in response to a point about TT not interviewing him for the Packers head-coaching position, mumbles, "Ted knew I wasn't coaching anymore. Brett didn't know that."

This implies to me that Favre is flat-out wrong about the sequence of events that led to McCarthy's hiring, and furthermore, I would guess that Mariucci has since informed Favre of his error.

Ok.

Also of note is Mariucci's discussion of the friendship between TT and Favre. He implies that it may not be the deepest of bonds, but it "goes back a long way," and that there may be more of a connection between the two than meets the eye. He illustrates this point by telling the story of Favre and Thompson flying to Michigan for Mariucci's mother's funeral, then flying home, all on gameday. Kind of intriguing.

Every time I've seen Mariucci on NFLN in the last week, he seems to have a weird twinkle in his eye and calm about him.