3 Ways to Avoid Work Today, Packer-Style

1. Check out the Journal-Sentinel’s weekly Monday Morning Headline contest. If you feel you got robbed when your entry for the Packer fence naming contest didn’t win, here's your shot at redemption. The punning is not too shabby. Recent winners include  “Pack Sweeps Vikes Undah the Tundra” (last week); “A K.C. Masterpiece,” and “Mile High High! Favre Pulls Win Out of Thin Air!” Though my favorite thus far was posted after the first Vikings win: “King of Queens.” Nice.

2. Peruse the Carolina Panthers website and shake your head at how lame the Carolina Panthers uniforms and logo are. I don’t know about you, but I look at that teal, silver and black color combination and the we-so-crazy lettering they use to spell “Panthers” and I get this uncontrollable urge to weep and Jazzercise. If I were a Carolina fan I’d seriously resent the fact that I have to buy and then wear teal and silver gear to show moral support. Maybe the trick is to go heavy on the silver and black, and keep the teal to little things like wristbands and socks. Accessories, if you will. What makes the look even more pathetic is to remember that those colors were chosen on the advice of marketing assholes, for the sole purpose of selling lots of merchandise to the kids, who apparently were gaga for teal and purple in the 80s and 90s. The execs for the Hornets, Sharks, Marlins, Raptors, Rockies, Jaguars, Mighty Ducks, Grizzlies, Ravens, Diamondbacks, and Devil Rays jumped on the same ugly bandwagon, in an almost sublime display of bad taste, greed, and corporate groupthink. All this to say, thank god I’m a Packers fan. We have always been 100% classy.

3. As a chaser, relive 1987, to more fully appreciate how long possible starting QB Vinny T has been in the pros. My pick for best major event of 1987 is the historic arrest of Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Iron Sheik, supposed mortal enemies, for possession of marijuana. The release of The Legend of Zelda is a close second.